Tom Glavine

Earlier this month, Tom Glavine won his 14th postseason game before the Mets bowed to the Cardinals in the NLCS. If I was a hitter in the majors, it would drive me absolutely nuts to watch him pitch day after day. He doesn’t throw high cheese, he doesn’t have one of those roundhouse curve balls. What he has is smarts.

Janurary 1991, Atlanta, GA. My college roommate was working as an intern for the Atlanta Braves. He invited me and my fiancé to a dinner honoring Legendary Brave Dale Murphy. Dale is my 2nd favorite Brave ever (The Hammer, to answer your question). Before the dinner started, my buddy pointed out a guy and said, “That’s Tom Glavine, they say he’ll be a pretty good pitcher for the Braves one day.” I distinctly remember looking at him; he wasn’t much bigger than I was. Most of these other players seemed huge (Murphy for one, who posed for a picture with me). After surveying Glavine, I thought to myself, “Man, I could take him……….”

Fifteen years later, many a batter has watched Glavine on the mound and thought the same thing. And most of them were as wrong as I was.

When Hell ain't enough

After the horrific events that have taken place the last couple of weeks, we begin to look for relief. Parents shooting their kids, adults shooting up schools, crazies cutting babies out of women……..this constant barrage of evil begins to sap the happiness right out of us.

So here’s what I do.

I like to imagine that even hell has standards. Much in the way that many of us imagine that St Peter is waiting on us at the gates of heaven to “confirm” our arrival, I imagine that Satan, Jr. is down below at the ‘Lake of Fire’ entrance to greet those who have ensured themselves a spot in eternal damnation. There will be a few who pass without incident. Lots of lawyers, a few referees, and that guy who invented artificial turf. But when that dude shows up and says, “Uh, yeah, I just shot 8 little Amish girls…..”. I would imagine Satan’s response is something like this:

“Oh SNAP!!! That was YOU? Damn, man, what’s WRONG with you? Holy crap, you’re gonna have to go sit by Hitler and McVeigh. Eight Amish girls, man, you must really be a special kind of prick.”

“Well, at first I was just going to molest them, but…”

“WHOA WHOA WHOA…you were going to MOLEST Amish kids? Ok, right away, I can tell you that you don’t get any porn privileges…..Geez Lou-ise, what is goin ON up there on earth? HEY! Bin Laden!!! Dude, I know you haven’t been here long, but will you show this asshole around? No, he doesn’t get anything to drink or any shoes, let his feet melt first, and give him an iPod loaded with Yoko Ono's Greatest Hits………”

Sorry. It’s the only solace I can get.

Game Eleven: Almost Home

November 11^th

Vs. Auburn University (Auburn, AL)

Man. Where do I begin. How about this. I think this will be our other loss this year. Let me just lay that out there. And the last time we lost three in a row to Auburn was ’99-’01. So get these stats:

Overall record against Auburn: 48-53-8

Total aggregate score: 1648-1650

Record @ home: 9-19

Record @ Auburn: 12-9-2

Record @ neutral sites: 27-26-6

Most amazing to me is that the UGA/Auburn rivalry is the oldest one in the deep south (they’ve been playing since 1892) and after all those years, TWO POINTS separate the total scores. Also, the visiting team has had the edge for a while.

Having said all that, Auburn is just really strong this year. Brandon Cox has developed into a really solid QB, though he’s gone largely unnoticed. Their defense is extremely fast and they have a running back, Kenny Irons (from Georgia, no less), who is a workhorse. I could go on and on about their talent. And hey, it’s not that the Dawgs don’t have talent either, but almost all of Auburn’s positions have definite answers. The Dawgs have questions at QB, receivers, and the secondary. We MAY have answers at those positions. We MAY not. So, while I don’t look for the humiliation that many are predicting, I think the rivalry keeps it close. The depth at the positions keeps it close. Coaching keeps it close (though I can’t STAND Tommy Stupidville, er, Tuberville). But the Tigers’ starting line up on both sides of the ball is worth at least an extra ten points. They are not struggling at any phase of the game right now. We are. The only way the Dawgs pull this one out is by playing the game of their lives. And by the time this game rolls around, the Tigers will be able to smell the national championship trophy. Seeing as how they got screwed two years ago, they are going to be on a mission.

Sidenote: QB Race Revisited

Well the Dawgs are 4-0. Just barely. I’m not going to recap each game in detail, but here’s a brief wrap up:

Vs Western Kentucky, 48-12, they did what they were supposed to do.

Vs South Carolina, 18-0, turns out, South Carolina ain’t that good.

Vs U of Alabama-Birmingham, 34-0, turns out the Dawgs defense IS pretty good

Vs Colorado,14-13, Dawgs win a game that they absolutely deserved to lose. Turns out Matthew Stafford is truly a freshman

With Joe Tereshinski being sidelined 3-6 weeks with an ankle sprain sustained in the South Carolina game, Georgia went with uber-talented freshman Stafford to run the show. While he was not spectacular, he was not awful. The O-line still breaks down for him, and the wide receivers still drop passes for him. Luckily, our schedule was setting up nicely for him to ride a learning curve until a big game (i.e. Tennessee). He had a good showing against South Carolina and UAB, but the performance was ineffective vs. Colorado. Ultimately, down 13-0 against winless Colorado, Coach Richt felt he had to replace Stafford. Enter Joe Cox (former wonder boy before Stafford showed up) and he goes 10 of 13 for 153 yards with 2 TD’s. Just as people said that the team “perked up” when Stafford relieved Tereshinski a few weeks ago, so too did the Dawgs perk up when Cox came in on Saturday. I never thought I’d say this, but I feel somewhat bad for Stafford. Sure, he didn’t make a lot of reads and check offs, but it’s not his fault that our receivers have rubber hands. The silver lining in all this is that what we suspected is right - we are fairly deep at the QB position. But the fact is that the starting position is still up for grabs and it only gets more convoluted when Tereshinski comes back next week. And he’s not going to go quietly.

You know, if you didn’t have a man crush on DJ Shockley this time last year, you just can’t call yourself a fan.

Game Ten: Feelin the Blues

November 4^th

Vs. University of Kentucky (Lexington, KY)

Seriously, when you think of sports at Kentucky, what do you think of? Basketball? You’re such a liar. You think of Ashley Judd. Yeah. Me, too. But then I think of her sitting in the STANDS watching basketball. Then I think of her playing Marilyn Monroe and……………..well, THAT’S a good thought. Where was I?. No one has noticed recently, but Kentucky does field a football team. Ever since the Bluegrass miracle, the wind has been taken out of their sails (drifting back to thoughts of Ashley Judd on a boat…..).

Let’s be honest. Kentucky is in a real funk right now. Last year they had a slew of injuries that just wasn’t fair. I don’t remember the stats, but I believe that every member of their 1^st and 2^nd string units were injured at least 6 times during the season. I’m pretty sure they played Vanderbilt with 8 offensive players. But no one has accused them of giving up or quitting on their coach. To me, they seem like the type of guys who would crawl out on the gridiron even if they had no fingers or toes. They have a guy named Rafael Little who is going to do some damage to other teams all by himself. Little returns punts, runs, blocks, catches out of the backfield, tapes ankles, takes tickets, directs game day traffic, and feeds stats to the announcer. But sadly, if Rich Brooks doesn’t win, he’s probably going to be toast. Is it fair? No. But it’s reality. I don’t see anything so far that leads me to believe that Kentucky can beat the Dawgs, even in Lexington. What I find most interesting about this game is that, as usual, it’s sandwiched between the Florida and Auburn games. Sooner or later, this will be the “letdown” game. But not this year. This will just be a warm up for the trip to Cowtown, er, I mean Auburn.

I sure hope we’ve settled on a QB by then…………….. I wonder what Ashley is doing?