Game Four: The Test

September 23^rd

Vs. University Of Colorado (in Athens, GA)

If you don'’t know anything about college football, you STILL may have heard about the Colorado Buffaloes. Sexual harassment and rape, recruiting orgies, ethnic intimidation and I think they have managed to play some football in between. So, yeah, that coach was fired. New coach Dan Hawkins is very familiar with Georgia. He made a visit last September with his old team Boise State. Boise State was supposed to march into Athens and show how powerful a "“mid-major"” team is (mid-major - a team not in one of the BCS, er Big Boy conferences). That. Never. Happened. The Dawgs TROUNCED Hawkins'’ team and sent them back with a whimper. So what did Dan do? He got himself an upgrade job at a school with a football program that really needed cleaning up. Enter the new and improved Colorado Buffs. Sometimes, people just need a change of scenery and this year will be a change of scenery for the entire team. They did make it to the Big 12 Conference Championship Game for the second year in a row last year, but got their ass spanked 70-3 by Texas (throw that game out because teams like the 2005 Texas Longhorns don'’t come around very often). The Buffs are a solid team with a new coach out to prove something. This game will get some national attention because many college football fans outside the south think that the SEC teams don't play any "“good" non-conference teams (Of course we counter with "We can't! We'’re too busy beating each other up!'). A lot of people will be watching to see how an SEC powerhouse matches up with a Big 12 powerhouse. Then, of course this will spark intellectual debates ('“You guys SUCK!' 'No YOU guys suck!'”). I think we will win only because the Buffs have more questions than we do. Oh, and it'’s in Athens.

Political Correctness or Decency?

This argument is going to be more prevalent in the next few years, so it’s time for you to decide where you stand on this. Recently, Connecticut passed a bill that would penalize high school football coaches whose teams win by more than fifty points. The idea was born out of a problem between two coaches there, one who complained about another running up the score (keep on scoring even after the game’s outcome has reasonably been decided). There is a gentleman’s rule in most sports to “call off the dogs”, meaning that if it’s obvious that your team is going to win, you’re not going to go balls out and make a mockery of the game. To be honest, this is not really a problem in the professional ranks. If it’s clear that the Dolphins are going to beat the Saints easily, the coach is probably going to take out his starters (typically the best players) so they won’t get hurt in a meaningless play, and put in the back up players to get experience. College sports are a little different. Some football teams still run up the score for different reasons. If a team hasn’t beaten a rival in a long time, they may want to “send a message”. Some college coaches are trying to make a statement to those who vote on the rankings and a good beating will sometimes do that.

I personally like the rule that Connecticut instituted. And please, before you judge me, let me present the other side of the argument. Many “A” type personality people will counter with this argument: ‘If you’re not going to play to win, why are you playing’. I think that’s a very valid argument. And believe me, there are times I feel this way. In the above paragraph, when I talked about calling off the dogs, I had a tough time finishing the sentence, “meaning that if it’s obvious that your team is going to win, you’re not going to……”. What is appropriate word for QUITTING? But if the point is truly to win the game every single time, and you’ve already accomplished that, why risk injury to your players by running up the score? And how would you feel if it happened to you? A little background on me – I was never the one sitting on the bench. I have played on teams that won and teams that lost. I was the type of player who made the all-star team, but wasn’t the best one on THAT team. So don’t assume that I’m a non-athletic, liberal pansy who’s out to make everyone happy.

My BIGGEST problem is that the “win at all costs” attitude has permeated youth recreational sports. I talk to people who feel that if you suck at baseball, you shouldn’t go out for the team. One guy actually said, “If you can’t stand sitting on the bench, go take up piano”. Nice. So, children’s organized sports are now only for the talented. I guess if the less talented kids want to play organized sports they’ll have to go start their own league. Maybe get some umpires, uniforms, the whole bit. Um, wait. Isn’t that what we already have?

Listen, if you’re kid is a phenomenal athlete, good for you. If he or she is level-headed then they will shine throughout school and beyond. A ten-year old soccer league is not the time for them to exercise their dominance over other ten-year olds. It’s a time to learn how to play the game, how to be a teammate, and how sports relate to life. And let’s face it, for many kids, high school is the last true good time of our lives.

Dissecting the Bible

I find this verse one of the most interesting in the Bible:

Romans 13:1-7 (New International Version)

1Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. 3For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. 4For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. 5Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience. 6This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God's servants, who give their full time to governing. 7Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.

Read it two or three times. George Bush, Bill Clinton? These guys are God’s servants? I wonder if Kenneth Starr is going straight to hell for finding the “stained dress”. “For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but those who do wrong”. Does that apply to Fidel Castro? This is one of those verses that we all use to make our point about something, but we don’t want it to apply to something else. And our Bible is CHOCK full of them, baby. And on another note, I’m pretty sure that God did not assemble our current City Council here in Roanoke. He must have been busy overseeing another election and let these morons slip in.

Sidenote: The QB Race

The big question for Dawg fans is who will be the quarterback at the start of the season. And a large percentage still ask who will be the QB by the 3^rd game, but that’s another story. Think of the quarterback as the babysitter. Who do you want to leave your kids with? Someone who says ‘yes ma’am’ and ‘yes sir’ or someone who has piercings in their private parts? The Dawgs’ last two QB’s were the kind of guys you want your own kids to grow up to be. David Greene and DJ Shockley were good guys and great QB’s.

This year’s choices include:

Joe Tereshinski, III (ter-uh-shin-ski), a senior, third generation Bulldog who is probably tired of hearing how loyal he is. While it’s true he pales in comparison to Shockley athletically, he’s taken some unnecessary heat just for being there. Personally, I think he’s tough as nails and extremely smart. He’s been playing on the punt team for the last couple of years just letting people plow into him. I’m betting that he’s a pretty good quarterback, too. You don’t get to be #1 on the depth chart at a perennial Top 10 program by default (………no you don’t!) More than likely, Joe starts the first game. There’s a small contingent of fans rooting very hard for this guy. Those not rooting for him will point to last year’s Florida game as evidence he is not the successor to Shockley (he started that one game when Shockley was injured). They seem to forget that Shockley had a bad game vs Georgia Tech in ’04 when Greene was hurt. Call Joe the ‘sentimental favorite’.

Blake Barnes, a redshirt sophomore. (note: A redshirt basically means that when the player first showed up to campus as a freshman, the coach looked at him and said, “There is no way in hell you’re playing this year.” So they can practice with the team, learn the game, use the Playstation in the locker room [seriously] and they will still have four more years to be eligible to play) Barnes has not impressed many people outside of the coaching staff. And let’s remember, despite what you hear down at the local watering hole, the head coach’s opinion is the only one that matters. Barnes seems to be the odd man out, but he looks great holding a clipboard. Having said that, he’s the only QB other than Tereshinski that has seen any action in a college game.

Joe Cox, redshirt freshman. Joe’s big plus was that he was the Scout team QB last year. That means he pretended to be the QB’s of each of the teams we played in ’05. In the spring game earlier this year, Joe must have still thought he was Jared Zabransky of Boise State, because he threw four interceptions. Joe’s strength is passing accuracy, despite what happened at the spring game. He holds a bunch of high school records in North Carolina. He’s probably still learning a little, but should be ready to go. I have yet to see if he can scramble – not that it’s important. David Greene could barely outrun Joe Paterno, but he’s the all-time winningest QB in 1-A history.

Matthew Stafford, freshman. If you look up ‘hype’ in the dictionary, you’ll find, “Excessive publicity and the ensuing commotion”. We are now in the ‘ensuing commotion’ phase of Matthew’s arrival on campus. He was one of the most sought after quarterbacks in the nation, and rightfully so. The kid from Texas can flat out play. How big a deal is it that he signed with Georgia? When a UGA golfer went to the White House to meet President “Don’t Mess with Texas” Bush, Dubya pressed him, “You guys stole one of our players……..” Most fans are clamoring for him to play. If not now, then by the 3^rd or 4^th game. The latest pictures of him are not flattering. Looks like he’s got a small spare tire around his waist. Obviously the strength and conditioning program will take care of that, but DAMN what’s that boy been eating? Anyway, do you let your daughter go out on dates starting when she’s 14 or when she’s 18? It depends on her maturity, right? And whether or not the guy has his private parts pierced. It’s up to the coaches to gauge maturity. And scan for piercings.

Game Three: The Tune-Up/Trip-Up

September 16^th

Vs. University of Alabama-Birmingham (in Athens, GA)

I hope no one forgets that in 2003, this Blazer team marched into Athens and lost to Georgia by three measley points. This was supposed to be a walkover game, but as I recall, we got beat up pretty bad. And last year, they almost beat Tennessee. (Ok, that wasn’t that big a deal after all – cue drum roll – thanks, I’m here all night). Gone is Mr. All-World Quarterback, Darrell Hackney. I have no idea who is taking the reins for the Blazers this year and I don’t care. Even though the Blazers won’t be as good this year, there is no way the Dawgs take this game lightly. Get a lead, rotate in some of the back ups, and get out of there without getting banged up. This is the type of game that makes tail-gaiting much easier, it allows some young guns to step up, and it makes it easier to leap-frog someone in the national rankings. By now the QB situation should be somewhat clearer (see today’s sidenote). Also we’ll know if our defensive secondary (the last line of guys between the the ball and our goal line) will be the best ever or just incredibly over-hyped. And in turn, we’ll know if I need to stop listening to all those morons on the Dawg fan pages.

Sidenote: Living in Spurrier’s shadow

There’s a fine line between disdain and awe. I have both for South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier. I have literally been hearing his name since I was in the 7^th grade. Even though he is almost 20 years older than me, and out paths have never crossed, I’m well aware of who he is. Years before my father was the minister at Mars Hill Presbyterian Church in Athens, TN, his father, Graham, held the same position. After graduating from high school in Athens, I went to East Tennessee State University in Johnson City, TN. Spurrier was a three-sport star at Science Hill High School there. This was in the late eighties and those people up there were STILL bitter than he went to the University of Florida instead of the University of Tennessee. By the time I graduated from ETSU, my folks had moved back to Georgia. And now, he was busy turning around a very lame Duke University football program and everyone in Atlanta lamented on how former Georgia Tech coach Bill Curry had fired Spurrier from the Tech staff. The common statement from Tech fans was “now look what Steve’s doing. Wish we still had him”. (Personally, I think it’s funny. Curry was, I mean, is, a moron). In 1989, Spurrier was asked to come back to his alma mater, Florida, to take the helm. At this point he began a domination of my beloved Georgia Bulldogs that is difficult to comprehend. I moved to Virginia in 1993, but the pain followed. In 2001, apparently just to piss me off, he left his stunned Gators behind to take the head coaching job right up the road from me in DC. The Washington Redskins. My in-laws are Redskins fans, but I knew there was no way I would secretly root for them with Spurrier coaching. Lucky for me he failed miserably, compiling a 12-20 record (and earning cool $10 million in the process). So I would just ASSUME he would go off into the sunset and indulge his first passion – golf. But no, what does he do? He takes the vacant head coach job at the University of South Carolina, a football program stuck in mediocrity, but with a great stadium and great fans (who seem to have an optimism that defies reason). The fact that South Carolina is in the same division as Georgia will insure that the Dawgs will see Steve every………..single……….year.

How long will this man torment me?

Game Two: The SEC Opener

September 9^th

Vs. South Carolina (in Columbia, SC)

You remember the guy in high school who was good at everything? He had brains, athletic ability, all that stuff? Ok, now, remember the guy who was a loudmouth? Always making wisecracks and pissing people off? And remember the overbearing athlete, the one who would sell his sweet old grandmother to win a game? Combine all three of these and you have Steve Spurrier. Spurrier, who is arguably one of the most gifted college coaches ever, roamed the sidelines at his alma mater Florida for a little over a decade. He raised the bar on coaching and revolutionized offense in the SEC. In the process, he made clever/snide comments about his coaching brethren. He also owned Georgia, losing just once in twelve years to the Dawgs. So you understand my bitterness. By now you’re asking yourself, “Hey, long-winded Bulldog guy, what’s this got to do with September 9^th?” Spurrier, (aka “Ballcoach”, “Evil Genius”, “Darth Visor”, or “Steve Superior”) is now coaching the South Carolina Gamecocks. And even though he’s got a much harder gig at USC, and we beat them last year, this game could go either way. It could go either way every year, but it usually goes the Dawgs’ way. The Gamecocks are Susan Lucci, that soap opera actress that lost 361 straight times at the Daytime Emmys. Great fans, nice facilities, but always coming up short and looking forward to next year. A win against us and the Gamecocks will be beating their chests loudly, proclaiming that they have finally arrived. It could also mean that Georgia will begin the rally cry for a new QB. (I’ll get to that later). Georgia fans are hanging our hats on the fact that we have our own genius coach who can win every year. South Carolina fans are hanging their hopes on Spurrier, even though he can’t easily pluck top notch recruits from the talent-rich state of Florida. He did turn around the football program at Duke University, which is the equivalent of giving Dog the Bounty Hunter a make over and having him take home top prize in a beauty contest. So September 9^th should be very interesting. I make no prediction except that Spurrier will throw his visor because the game will be on national TV and he’s the master at giving the people what they want.

Disturbing Similarities

I saw this and it bothered me. If you ever watched "The Wire" on HBO, you probably learned a good deal about the inner workings of street level drug trade. Guy walks up, pays one guy some cash. Cashier holds up one, two or three fingers to someone else based how much the guy bought. Second person then signals to someone else to bring the buyer around to pick up the drugs. Very effecient and everyone does their job.
For several months there has been a 8 or 9 year old girl selling brownies in high traffic neighborhood that I drive through to and from work. She has the exact same set up. She stands on the corner of her lot, and holds up the sign that boasts 50 cent brownies. There are places that the cars can pull over to make the buy. She yells back down to the house how many brownies and someone goes inside and brings them up to an adjacent corner.
The similarities are what's keeping me from buying anything. I'm afraid I would stop and say, "hi sweetie, I'd like two brownies..........." Then she would peer into the car as she took my dollar, glance around for the cops and say, "drive to the end of the gravel, C-Lo will have your package."

The 2006 Georgia Football Schedule for the Uneducated: The Series

Let’s just say you HATE college football. You don’t understand this multi-billion dollar industry, you don’t understand why certain people won’t attend weddings in the fall or why they paint logos on the tops of their toilets. Let’s just say you don’t understand the fascination. Well, I don’t understand YOU. Seriously, you’re making me ill. However, because you seem to WANT to understand the rabid hysteria and have read this far, I’m going to break down Georgia’s football schedule for you. Grab some Funions and a Fresca, cause this will take a while (by the way, don’t get Funion crunchies on the mouse – that grease will stay there for……….ever.

Game One: The Home Opener

September 2

Vs. Western Kentucky (in Athens, GA)

Georgia (here fore referred to as the “Dawgs”) starts their football season at home vs. the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers. WKU is an I-AA team (Georgia is I-A), meaning they generally have less resources (war chest of cash) and personnel (WKU’s coaching job is a stepping stone to Georgia’s). It’s like Texas invading Rhode Island. Before you feel sorry for WKU, please note that they just began a $37.5 million expansion on their own football stadium. How do they get that money? Well, first all, Western Kentucky is a fine university. They’ve had some big names attend there - Director John Carpenter, NFL coach Romeo Crennel, and the drummer for the Black Crowes, whose name I already forgot. Second, WKU gets a good chunk of cash just for showing up in Athens. In theory, the Dawgs get to start their season warming up against a less worthy opponent, and WKU gets to play in front of 92, 000 red & black clad maniacs and take home a big check. But it doesn’t always work like that. Oddly enough, the Hilltoppers will also want to WIN THE GAME. So we just CAN’T take these guys lightly. You saw “Miracle on Ice”? “Karate Kid”? “Rocky 4”? (Ok, that’s a stretch). It can happen. But let’s just say for argument that the Dawgs are MUCH better than the Hilltoppers. The fans will want a score of about 80-3 to represent a true shellacking of the opponent. The thing is, Georgia’s coach, Mark Richt, is a fine man and doesn’t really “run up the score” on other teams. Thus the immediate second guessing begins. Most die-hard fans (like me) are really stupid. We are CERTAIN we could call a better game than the man who is most qualified to do so. But a win is a win, so we move forward. Now we just sit and wait for the rankings to come out on Sunday afternoon. It’s like a Broadway director staying up until the wee hours of the morning waiting for the review of his just-released play. There are stats that back up the fact that Georgia’s football team is generally ranked lower than it should be. But we’re used to that.

Oh, and uh………..a loss to Western Kentucky? I don’t even want to broach the subject.

Next up, the Dawgs travel to Columbia, SC to face the University of South Carolina Gamecocks. Sooooooo many story lines there………….

The unavoidable intro

Let me make this perfectly clear. I didn't WANT to do this. Someone made me. Not because I'm a student or anything. It was more, "hey, Brian, you should really put your thoughts down somewhere." Fine. If I do this, ya reckon they'll leave me alone?
Closing in on 40, married father of two, blah blah blah. You're not gonna read it, so I'm not gonna insult you by typing it. You wanna know what I'm into.
I love college football. The Georgia Bulldogs. And ever since Al Gore invented the internet, I've been able to follow them more closely since I no longer reside in Georgia. I'm one of those fervent fans that can recite the three-deep depth chart.
I have found somewhat that the internet has taken the place of my love for TV. But I do still watch Scrubs, Family Guy, and My Name is Earl. If I can make it until Saturday night past 11:30, I'll nod off during Saturday Night Live's monologue.
Love softball, golf, HATE lawnwork. I used to manage a music store so I have a lot of CD's to listen to.
I spend a good bit of time involved with church activities. I'll complain a lot about it, but then I think back to Moses and all he had to contend with to even GET Christianity started.
God: Moses, come on, it's time to take the people to find the promised land
Moses: Aw, come on, God. I REALLY didn't want to start anything until next year.
God: Moses, I have chosen you for a really important job. Besides, you're brother's gonna be there, he'll help out.
Moses: Ok, I'll go. But this isn't gonna take long, is it?
God: Um......not as far as I'm concerned.........

I also avail myself to my kids' activities out of pure interest. I just want to know what they're doing. Therefore I coach softball and soccer, keep books for the PTA, and stock the concession stand down at the ball field. That way I can hover around my kids without.....seeming.......like I'm hovering.
By the way, coaching kids' sports is like being in the mafia. There is no getting out. I take that back, you can get out, but you have to be beaten out. You know those "arches" that soccer moms' make as their kids run off the field? If you want out, you have to run through that while the parents of Britney and Blake beat you with cell phones, mini-van keys and digital camcorders. It's just WAY easier to suck it up and coach.
Ok, this was long. I think I'm supposed to edit my page now. If I could, I would put little bulldogs all over it.
Two months til kick off, baby...............