When It Finally Hits

This is her driving off. No more school, no more internships, just off to her job while we're off to the airport.  All the other times I've hugged her goodbye had a different feel. Even though I told her on the eve of going to college, "this house will feel different the next time you come back", I knew it wouldn't feel different to ME. And when she jetted off to LA for the internship, it never had the feel that this was it. Today had that feel. 

Occasionally some will ask what the hardest part of raising kids is. I suppose that I always felt it would be different for each parent. I dreaded not getting any sleep during those first few years. Turned out it wasn't so bad. Despite stacks and stacks of well meaning books, there really isn't a manual. So you hope that you and a spouse can make the best decisions so that your kids don't turn out to be an amplified asshole version of yourself. Sometimes that happens before you realize it. In our case, I have to give credit to my wife. My oldest child didn't put me through one tenth of what I did to my parents. So she turned out really well. And each time we hugged goodbye,  I never worried about her as much. She was ready. Ready for college, ready to fly across the country, whatever. So basically, everything we've been preparing her to do, she's going to do it. And all I could do was watch. 22 years in the making. All of our life lessons, lectures, nagging, etc. All so I could feel like a million bucks AND have a broken heart at the same time. You want to know the worst part of being a parent? This is it-letting go.