The August of My Discontent

Boy, August of 2022 really stunk. And I've spent most of the month telling everyone who would listen just how bad it was. 

My father passed away on the very first day of the month. It's not that it was unexpected. We knew it was coming. I was just still very bitter about the manner in which he went out. Considering Dad was such a loyal Christian soldier, dementia is a brutal way to go out, both for him and for the family. My daughter flew home to be with us after the funeral on the 10th. She brought COVID with her and tested positive on the 12th. Then my wife on the 15th, then my other daughter on the 17th. So I knew what was coming next. Despite us isolating as much as possible, I finally tested positive on the morning of the 18th, a couple of hours after I took my oldest to the airport. Thankfully, we're all vaxxed and boosted and none of us really got a bad case. But my cold symptoms have lingered for several weeks. On Monday the 22nd, my wife called me in the afternoon. After her first day back from school she was involved in a car wreck in which both cars were totaled. Ultimately, she was OK but there was bruising and soreness. Our wedding anniversary was on the 24th and we were both too exhausted to do anything. On top of that, we now have to buy a new car - which is something that both of us absolutely HATE. They don't make the model of her old car, so it's not like we can just replace it. Lower on the list, but still a problem was that our air conditioner went out and we had no air for just over a week. 

As you can imagine I welcomed September with open arms. But then I watch a few news segments and I'm reminded of how fortunate I am. 

No one is trying to take away the decision process of what I do to my body. No one is trying to make laws that forcefully oppress who I am as a person or who I choose to love. I'm not an author, so no one is trying to ban anything I wrote that can help possibly confused kids learn about their place in society (seriously, it's 2022...book banning?). I'm also fortunate enough to have been educated in a way that allows me to think for myself. I know better than to blindly follow former terrible presidents regardless of what illegal things they've done. I have drinking water. My cost for five years of college was less than what we paid for my daughter's freshman year. Odd are, I'm not going to get shot in the back if I run from the police. It's painful to realize that's a thing AND that people deny it's a problem. 

So in the grand scheme of things, yes, August is gone and I'm glad. But as depressing as it is to watch or read the news, it does put things in perspective for me. 

And for that, I'm thankful. 

When It Finally Hits

This is her driving off. No more school, no more internships, just off to her job while we're off to the airport.  All the other times I've hugged her goodbye had a different feel. Even though I told her on the eve of going to college, "this house will feel different the next time you come back", I knew it wouldn't feel different to ME. And when she jetted off to LA for the internship, it never had the feel that this was it. Today had that feel. 

Occasionally some will ask what the hardest part of raising kids is. I suppose that I always felt it would be different for each parent. I dreaded not getting any sleep during those first few years. Turned out it wasn't so bad. Despite stacks and stacks of well meaning books, there really isn't a manual. So you hope that you and a spouse can make the best decisions so that your kids don't turn out to be an amplified asshole version of yourself. Sometimes that happens before you realize it. In our case, I have to give credit to my wife. My oldest child didn't put me through one tenth of what I did to my parents. So she turned out really well. And each time we hugged goodbye,  I never worried about her as much. She was ready. Ready for college, ready to fly across the country, whatever. So basically, everything we've been preparing her to do, she's going to do it. And all I could do was watch. 22 years in the making. All of our life lessons, lectures, nagging, etc. All so I could feel like a million bucks AND have a broken heart at the same time. You want to know the worst part of being a parent? This is it-letting go.