I totally met the welfare queen

I saw a black woman coming out of the grocery store with a carton of cigarettes, a case of beer and three lobster tails and she paid for them all with food stamps. She had a Louis Vuitton purse and clothes from The Limited. Then she got into a Cadillac Escalade and drove off.

I am so tired of hearing that same story for the last…...I don’t know, 30 years? How is it that EVERYONE has the same tale? Curiously, this story ALWAYS comes from someone who is either slightly racist, or thinks the gub'ment is enabling lazy people.

Right after I got married, I did see someone who was using food stamps that got into a new(ish) car. It was at Cub Foods in Atlanta. This very young white couple were using some food stamps on some, not all of their groceries. I couldn't tell you what they were buying. I mean, I forgot that it was my business to judge other people in the checkout line at the grocery store. Please forgive me. Anyway, we were not far behind them and noticed that they loaded their purchases into a brand new (or maybe just very clean and 1-2 year old)......Toyota Tercel. Now admittedly, I'm not a car guy but I do know that when it was time to buy my very first car, I was having to decide between the Tercel and a Hyundai Excel. Those were pretty much the two cheapest cars on the market. The only reason I didn't get the Tercel was because it didn't come with a radio or air conditioning - those were ad-ons. So basically, the "new" Tercel that these "lazy welfare" recipients had the gall to get was a far cry from the Cadillac that always gets thrown into these stories. Why didn't that couple sell their car so they could buy food? Since the citizens of that county had refused time and time again to allow public transit system out into "our suburbs", you really needed a car to get around and you know, WORK. What's that you say? Why don't they move closer to the city? Because as any urban dweller knows, the closer you move to the city, the more expensive the rent. I don't know these folks from Adam. I don't know their backstory. Maybe they bought the car and then one of them lost their jobs. Maybe they inherited the car. The point is, everyone has a story and to judge them based on what you see them buying at the Piggly Wiggly makes YOU the idiot.

Are liberals dumb enough to think that people don't commit welfare fraud? Absolutely, fraud goes on, just as it does EVERYWHERE. What pisses me off beyond belief is that most people don't know what welfare even is. They just think that everyone in a housing project graduates from high school, has a party, then the very next day walks down to the federal building and says, "sign me up for welfare". Everyone in the office politely gives them everything they ask for, and this person will be living off of the backs of hard workers like you and I for the rest of their easy, free-loading lives. Then they file taxes and get refunds every year of $5,000 to $10,000 If that were true, don't you think more people would do it? Then why do 65%-75% of the adults who receive public assistance WORK? And that studies show that 30%-40% of the dollars distributed in SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) and TANF (Temporary Assistance To Needy Families) programs are for children?

If someone wants to debate welfare fraud with me, I make sure we know what we're talking about. SNAP? TANF? SSI? This person you saw in the store - what were they receiving? Can you give me your stats? I find that usually shuts down the argument before it starts. To have all of the information we have today, and still believe myths that have persisted for years (with no foundation for truth) is CHOOSING to be ignorant. Of course, we have a president that has made that acceptable.

The Racists' Battle Cry

Several months ago, someone said something to me that stuck. But then it was amplified after more racists came out of the woodwork after the Charlottesville incident.

No one THINKS they are a racist. I mean, other than the ones parading around right now as Neo-Nazis and KKK members. They of course, admit it. Charles Barkley once said that he'd rather deal with a Klan member because he KNEW how he felt about him. He wasn't so sure about everyone else. And he's got a point. The KKK may be dangerous, but at least you know where they stand. Currently, 35% of the people in this country stand firmly behind President Trump. Now, I doubt that entire group is supportive of a racist attitude, but let's say it's half of that. Still a lot. But we don't know who they are. They live and walk among us. But we can't deal directly with them because they could be anyone. They're neighbors, co-workers, soccer moms, restaurant owners, and everything in between. But I bet if you asked them they don't think they're a racist. They say things like:

"I don't hate ALL black people, just the ones who deserve it".
"Why do they have to act like that?"
"All the crime is in the black neighborhoods"

As bad as these are, there's one statement that really flags them:
"I'm not a racist, I have black friends"

That's the clue. If you have to justify what you say as being OK by stating that you have black friends, that seems to be the last ditch effort to convince others (as well as themselves) that you should accept their words. It's OK, I have the blessing of other blacks to say these racist things. The problem is, they think of those "black friends" as black first and friends second. Racists identify everyone by traits. And first and foremost, race is how they first describe them.

Be wary of those who say they have "black friends". They carry racism as a recessive gene. They just don't know it.

When It Finally Hits

This is her driving off. No more school, no more internships, just off to her job while we're off to the airport.  All the other times I've hugged her goodbye had a different feel. Even though I told her on the eve of going to college, "this house will feel different the next time you come back", I knew it wouldn't feel different to ME. And when she jetted off to LA for the internship, it never had the feel that this was it. Today had that feel. 

Occasionally some will ask what the hardest part of raising kids is. I suppose that I always felt it would be different for each parent. I dreaded not getting any sleep during those first few years. Turned out it wasn't so bad. Despite stacks and stacks of well meaning books, there really isn't a manual. So you hope that you and a spouse can make the best decisions so that your kids don't turn out to be an amplified asshole version of yourself. Sometimes that happens before you realize it. In our case, I have to give credit to my wife. My oldest child didn't put me through one tenth of what I did to my parents. So she turned out really well. And each time we hugged goodbye,  I never worried about her as much. She was ready. Ready for college, ready to fly across the country, whatever. So basically, everything we've been preparing her to do, she's going to do it. And all I could do was watch. 22 years in the making. All of our life lessons, lectures, nagging, etc. All so I could feel like a million bucks AND have a broken heart at the same time. You want to know the worst part of being a parent? This is it-letting go.

My smart phone is not making me stupid, YOU ARE

I'm surprised in this day and age that people keep repeating cliches as much as they do. One of my LEAST favorite cliches is that smart phones are making us dumber. Thirty years ago, none of us even had personal computers and now we all literally carry one around everywhere we go. There's more information at our fingertips than every before.

But you're thinking "that's not what people use phones for!", and you'd be right. At any given moment, there probably are a lot of people using their smart phones for just social media or games. So I guess what I object to is when someone says it makes ME dumber. Do you know why I'm reading my phone when I'm around you? Because you bore the piss out of me. You drone on and on about things that probably aren't true. And since I don't have to go grab a newspaper anymore, I can open up an app and read news from around the world. When you tell me that President Obama is really a citizen of Kenya, you know why I get on my phone? So I can take those nugget of bullshit and look it up. I mean, I'm not gonna tell you you're wrong because, hey, you saw it on ONE SITE the internet so it must be true. I'm on my phone because I literally don't care about what you're saying. So I'm reading. Checking the news. Looking to see how my team is doing. A long standing group text with my high school buddies. And yet, you keep interrupting me with drivel.

When people used to read magazines and novels, did prognosticators say that it was the end of modern civilization because people didn't talk to each other any more? When TV's began appearing in every living room, did they say that people don't socialize any more and we're all doomed? (Maybe they did, but they were wrong).

What I find ironic is that the very same people who are complaining about people being on their phones too much are the very same people WHO ARE ALWAYS ON THEIR OWN PHONE. Guess it's OK, then.

Next time you see someone on their phone around you in a social situation, I want you to consider the very real possibility that they may be on their phone because what they're looking at is much more interesting than you. That's right. You probably got bumped by Angry Birds or Kim Kardashian's twitter feed. Try being more interesting. At least more interesting than those two things.