Ah, July……College football is COMING!!!!

Just a quick recap of what’s happened to the Dawgs in July.

1. I watched the Chick Fil A Bowl again last weekend. That. Never. Gets. Old.
2. Still no punishment handed down for Blake Barnes and Tripp Chandler for underage drinking. It has to be at least 1.2 games, per university policy. Can we really put them in at the three minute mark in the first quarter of the South Carolina game? And by ‘them’, I mean Chandler.
3. Matt Stafford is learning to play golf and has a long way to go. Dear Matt: Thanks for playing golf instead of going to another NASCAR race.
4. There are a total of 17 verbal commitments for 2008 – that’s right, seventeen. See, in the old days, we wouldn’t have paid them until December or January.
5. Incoming frosh Caleb King was arrested and booked for driving on a suspended license and going the wrong way on a way street in Athens – ON A SCOOTER. Thanks to the cops for keeping those hardened criminals from overtaking the campus.
6. Walk on lineman Tripp Taylor was arrested for simple assault for an altercation that took place a month ago. No jokes here, if he’s guilty, he should be suspended for the season or kicked off the team.
7. Larry Munson has announced that he will probably only announce home games starting in 2007. Even Gators fans think that sucks. And they know about these things.

Fall camp opens in a couple of weeks. I'll be addressing the schedule in the upcoming weeks. The 2007 season is a big unknown for the Dawgs. Partly because of their own team, and partly because the SEC is more wide open than ever. Doesn't matter, because I'll be watching or listening to every game.
And please, folks. No weddings during football season!

Bonds is really gonna do it.

Barry Bonds will more than likely break Hank Aaron’s all time home run record in the next month. I’ve been living in denial for well over a year, thinking that something would happen to prevent it. Career ending injury. Bud Selig suspending him for being a pompous jerk. An earthquake in San Francisco effectively ending the baseball season FOLLOWED by Bonds’ career ending injury. None of it happened, so I’ve come to terms with it.

It’s not that I hate Bonds. I don’t. I saw him play in the early 90’s and he was awesome. Granted, he never played that well against Atlanta in the post season, but he was always dangerous. I’m divided on the whole steroid issue, and I think he was a great player regardless. It’s that he’s going to be breaking the last great record of Aaron, the greatest baseball player ever. Truth be told, I have seen more feel good stories on Aaron this past year than I ever have. So it’s not like people have forgotten who he was. A new generation of players will realize that he is third all time on the career RBI list and that he had several gold gloves. Plus, we all know there will be more of a frenzy when Alex Rodriguez breaks the record in about 10 years.

But.

Aaron deserved to keep this record for now. He was hitting home runs before guys like Bret Boone and Brady Anderson could hit 50 in a season. And he did it with class, biting his lip and looking over his shoulder the whole time. This is a man who couldn’t be rude if he tried, even though he had every right to be aloof.

If there is one good thing in all of this, it’s that people have come to respect Aaron more as the complete player he was. However, you’ll need to forgive me if I don’t stand up and cheer when Bonds hits 756.

Racism in my house

(note: I am refusing to use the term “African-American” for this piece. First of all, that term did not exist in the 1970’s. But most of all, someone forgot to tell me when being “black” was a bad thing.)

I’m not sure that, as kids, my brothers and I were ever given lectures about racism. Having grown up in Georgia in the seventies, racism certainly presented itself, but it seemed as if it was always one of those concepts that was just, well, understood. If my parents used the term “black”, it was used only as a physical description, not as an ethnic term. We made as much (or as little) fun of black people as we did anyone else.

Where we learned about the struggle was through sports and entertainment. When my father was a young man, he was a huge fan of many black bands that undoubtedly were kept from the mainstream because of their skin color. And of course, the first time my brothers and I heard their songs, they were sung by white artists. This used to piss him off to no end. When I started becoming a big music fan in elementary school, he made sure that I was very aware of where it all came from.

“Ray Charles is the king, don’t let anybody tell you different”

“If those guys were white, they’d have gone triple platinum by now”

“Who’s singin’ that? It sounded a whole lot better when (black guy)  sang it. This guy sucks.”

Dad gave very little credit to white rip off singers. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not THEIR fault. You’re up and coming, trying to make a name for yourself – suddenly you come across this great song that no one’s ever heard. I’d do it. But Dad was bent on giving credit where credit was due, and he took it personally. God forbid we sing a song by Pat Boone.

“DO YOU KNOW WHO SANG THAT FIRST? EVER HEAR OF LITTLE RICHARD? BOONE COULDN’T EVEN SING IN HIS BACK UP BAND!!!”

One time I dressed up as Elvis Presley and he took a slingshot and nailed me in the nads with my own pet rock. As he stood over me while I was writhing in pain, he growled “JAMES BROWN, YOUNG’UN, JAMES BROWN!!!”

Interestingly enough, as I got older and bought my own music, I found myself reading liner notes more and more. When you start to see “Holland/Dozier/Holland” on hard rock records, you begin to understand the influence of Motown.

Sports was a little different. As a kid in Atlanta, I never knew what kind of pressure that Hank Aaron was going through as he approached Babe Ruth’s home run record. Maybe because he didn’t want to ruin the innocence of it for me. All I know is, on the playground, EVERYONE wanted to be Hank Aaron. But I did know about Jackie Robinson. I asked my father once why he didn’t play sooner if he was so good. “Stupidity” was his answer.

The thing is, he never joined a march or participated in a sit in or anything like that. And it’s not like we sat at the dinner table and lamented about the plight of the black man. If there was a black person to be called out or ridiculed, he did it. And unlike, so many other grown men I remember, he did it without blaming his race. Dad taught us to look beyond and look through, but most of all, that a putz can come in any color, shape or form. Luckily, I don’t feel compelled to personally give reparations. Otherwise, I’d be standing next to a guy in the DMV line, listening to him complain – then give him $50 and say, “Sorry ‘bout your struggle, man”

Supporting Vick, but not blindly

Falcon fan? Guilty. I have always supported the team that came to town (along with the Braves) the very year I was born. When you grow up with a team, it becomes hard NOT to cheer for them. So, yes, I do pull for Michael Vick. I hated hearing his name when he was at Virginia Tech, but the Falcons drafted him so I want him to do well.

Having said that, if he is some dog fighting kingpin, capable of the kind of grotesque things he’s being accused of, then he should be suspended and/or kicked off the team and prosecuted for this felony. If not, then he is still the quarterback of the team and his success equals the Falcons’ success. Am I suspect of the way he lives his life? You bet. Sounds like he makes poor decisions off the field. I don’t have to hang his posters in my room – that would be odd since I’m 40 and my wife doesn’t give me a say so in the interior decorating – but I will watch him play on TV along with the other 50 or so guys who play for Atlanta. Is he a role model? Not for me or my children. If you don’t know the difference, don’t criticize those of us that do.

Edit: How was the timing of that post? Obviously, we all know that Vick was indicted by the Feds on dog fighting charges. What happens to him now will be left up to the Feds, the NFL, and the Falcons. If he's wearing a Falcon jersey come the first game I'll be surprised, but I will none-the-less root for the Falcons to win. There will be 52 other guys on the roster playing, too.

Things I consider fair

I Would Hope That………..

….Jerry Falwell is still in line at the gates of heaven – being judged.

….Terrell Owens gets a job as a sportscaster – and has to interview former teammates.

….we are done with the “Rocky” movies. Having said that, it’s time to remake “Smokey & The Bandit (you KNOW you’d watch it……)

….Bulldog fans give a chance to whomever replaces Larry Munson, hard as it will be.

….somewhere, a Chinese person is making fun of an American’s name.

Big Bry is on drugs

That’s right. I could no longer fend off the need to take medicine for high blood pressure, so for the first time in my life, I’m popping pills.

A little history. I’ve always been anti-drug. I mean, sure, in college, I would have no problems smoking weed that was grown in a toilet by a guy who called himself “The Chemical Bandit”, so I understand how hypocritical that is. One thing is for sure – that stuff never came with warning labels on the bag (or empty film canister, or coffee can, or my favorite; an accounting book with a carved out middle). There were definitely warnings, but they came in the form of Nancy Reagan and those “this is your brain on drugs” ads, which, by the way did more to INDUCE people into to taking drugs than deterring (“DUDE!!I wanna get that fried!!”) If marijuana had labels, we know what they would say:

“Getting high can seriously inhibit your ambition to get up off that couch. Seriously”.

“Reefer has caused the following side effects: lower grades, constant hunger and interaction with some of the stupidest people on the face of the earth”

“Smoking this product has been known to cause that God-awful high-pitched white man’s laugh”

So…….have you ever READ warning labels for medicine? I understand that legally, they have to be there, but my goodness. It gives pause, for sure. Let’s examine a few from my new bottle of Hydrochlorothiazide, shall we?

Uses: …….Hydrochlorothiazide is a “water pill” (diuretic) that causes your body to get rid of extra salt and water. This increases the amount of urine you make……..

We’ll just put that in the ‘win’ column. Of course I’ll have to get up five minutes earlier each day, ‘cause it sounds like it’s gonna take a little longer to get ready.

Side Effects: Dizziness, light headedness, headache, blurred vision, loss of appetite, stomach upset……………..

Ok, in 1987, I called those symptoms ‘Saturday night at Poor Richards Bar & Grill’

………….diarrhea or constipation………..

Eeeeeyow. What….do they put Krystal burgers in those things?

You may also experience decreased sexual ability or increased sensitivity to the sun

Like, uh, at the same time? I could handle decreased sexual desire (hey, I’m 40 – it’s a right), but ABILITY? That’s just five ways wrong! And is the sensitivity related to my eyes or skin? I can handle wearing sunglasses all the time, but will I start looking like one of those pale red-heads with pink freckles on my butt?

If any of these effects persist or worsen, notify your doctor or pharmacist promptly

“Uh, Doc, my vision seems to be pretty bad. I could have SWORN I saw a picture of Scooter Libby that read ‘no jail time’”

Remember that your doctor has prescribed this medication because he or she has judged that the benefit to you is greater than the risk of the side effects

Somewhere there’s a guy with an invisible scale, saying, “Hmmm. Continue to be a sexual dynamo OR lower my blood pressure….I’ll think about it”

Personally, I’m hoping Doc is right about this, because three of those symptoms might require wearing a diaper. Although, for years I have threatened my wife that I would keep a jug by the bed at night to avoid getting up to take a whiz – this could now be deemed medically necessary.

Finally, there’s this nugget:

Precautions: Before taking Hydrochlorothiazide, tell your doctor or pharmacist if you are allergic to it…………

Duh huh!?! That’s the medical equivalent of the hair dryer warning “Do not use in the shower. You would know that you are allergic to it “before taking it”……….HOW, exactly?

So many things to look forward to…….whizzing all the time, my wife saying the obligatory “d’jou take yer medicine?”, and vomiting while blaming in on my pills.

Sweet.