The Racists' Battle Cry

Several months ago, someone said something to me that stuck. But then it was amplified after more racists came out of the woodwork after the Charlottesville incident.

No one THINKS they are a racist. I mean, other than the ones parading around right now as Neo-Nazis and KKK members. They of course, admit it. Charles Barkley once said that he'd rather deal with a Klan member because he KNEW how he felt about him. He wasn't so sure about everyone else. And he's got a point. The KKK may be dangerous, but at least you know where they stand. Currently, 35% of the people in this country stand firmly behind President Trump. Now, I doubt that entire group is supportive of a racist attitude, but let's say it's half of that. Still a lot. But we don't know who they are. They live and walk among us. But we can't deal directly with them because they could be anyone. They're neighbors, co-workers, soccer moms, restaurant owners, and everything in between. But I bet if you asked them they don't think they're a racist. They say things like:

"I don't hate ALL black people, just the ones who deserve it".
"Why do they have to act like that?"
"All the crime is in the black neighborhoods"

As bad as these are, there's one statement that really flags them:
"I'm not a racist, I have black friends"

That's the clue. If you have to justify what you say as being OK by stating that you have black friends, that seems to be the last ditch effort to convince others (as well as themselves) that you should accept their words. It's OK, I have the blessing of other blacks to say these racist things. The problem is, they think of those "black friends" as black first and friends second. Racists identify everyone by traits. And first and foremost, race is how they first describe them.

Be wary of those who say they have "black friends". They carry racism as a recessive gene. They just don't know it.

When It Finally Hits

This is her driving off. No more school, no more internships, just off to her job while we're off to the airport.  All the other times I've hugged her goodbye had a different feel. Even though I told her on the eve of going to college, "this house will feel different the next time you come back", I knew it wouldn't feel different to ME. And when she jetted off to LA for the internship, it never had the feel that this was it. Today had that feel. 

Occasionally some will ask what the hardest part of raising kids is. I suppose that I always felt it would be different for each parent. I dreaded not getting any sleep during those first few years. Turned out it wasn't so bad. Despite stacks and stacks of well meaning books, there really isn't a manual. So you hope that you and a spouse can make the best decisions so that your kids don't turn out to be an amplified asshole version of yourself. Sometimes that happens before you realize it. In our case, I have to give credit to my wife. My oldest child didn't put me through one tenth of what I did to my parents. So she turned out really well. And each time we hugged goodbye,  I never worried about her as much. She was ready. Ready for college, ready to fly across the country, whatever. So basically, everything we've been preparing her to do, she's going to do it. And all I could do was watch. 22 years in the making. All of our life lessons, lectures, nagging, etc. All so I could feel like a million bucks AND have a broken heart at the same time. You want to know the worst part of being a parent? This is it-letting go.