College football fans are stupid

Pick a message board for any college football team. Any team, it doesn't matter. There are about 125 fan bases right now wondering why they didn't have the season they thought they did.


"I don't understand why we can't be as good as "
"We should be playing for championships every year"
"Our QB/WR/CB is terrible"

No one THINKS they are an armchair quarterback. Everyone IS an armchair quarterback. And truth be told, the power boosters who actually run a program are not much different. It's just that they have money and influence.


The average Joe is just that at his job - average. And that's with no one taking to the internet to critique the jobs THEY do (by they way, I would literally pay money to see that as sitcom). The average Joe doesn't have the access or the know how to run a multi-million dollar business like a college football program. Yet there is no shortage of those who think they can.

So collectively, college football fans are stupid. Most of us are just some sad version of Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite.

Recruiting: Kiddie Porn for College football fans

Wednesday is National Signing Day for college football, and if you don’t follow college football, let me explain it to you quickly. College coaches and their assistants begin watching high school football players on film and in person starting with their freshman and sophomore years.

That’s really all you need to know. I mean, there are other elements to Signing Day (high school seniors sign a letter of intent to attend and play football at a university of their choosing). But before I completely trash this process, let me tell you how important recruiting is. Every coach from middle school on up will live and die by their win/loss record. Obviously the stakes are higher in college, where the big money is. If you recruit the very best kids to play for you, your chances of winning are higher, you send more kids to the NFL, you generate more money for the school, etc. etc.

But recruiting has become a sick spectacle for many. I can’t prove it, but I think it all starts with the two main recruiting services, Rivals and Scout. Millions of football fans pay $99 a year to read articles on which high school kid is going where. Writers from the two web sites call these high school kids (who are still trying to make the grades to get into college) on a daily basis to find out who their favorite school is ‘right now’. They even have terms for levels of commitment – soft verbal, lean, solid, etc. Both services then rank all the players individually overall, then by position. Then they rank the schools by how well they are doing. Players are given stars, one being the lowest, five being the best, so the more five star players a school has, the better their ranking.

Sounds like the modeling industry doesn’t it?

There are several things that bother me about this whole process:

1. Kids get inflated egos. You can argue that this was happening anyway. I don’t have a problem with a kid getting a free trip to 12 schools. Quite honestly, that’s the best they will be treated while on campus (Yes, I KNOW they get a free education). But with the advent of the internet, the courting by fans, and the fact that National Signing Day is a freaking holiday in Alabama, some of the these kids can get a false sense of security from the very same fans who will boo them the first pass they drop. Many recruits absolutely eat up the limelight. They change their minds privately and publicly just for attention. They will toy with the emotions of those who desire them. Why? Because they can.

2. Adults fawning over boys age 16-18 years old. This is the sick part to me. Pick any name on either Rivals or Scout and then look them up on Youtube. Now read the comments that follow. “Dude, he’s a BEAST”, “What a great looking athlete”, “Can’t wait to see that chiseled frame taking on linebackers this fall”, “He’s a freak of nature”….and so on and so on. I don’t care how big they are, they are KIDS.

3. Rivals and Scout have become WAY too powerful. I don’t know that they have as much influence on coaches, but they do on the recruits themselves. Trust me, corruption is sure to follow. If the kids don’t talk to reporters much or commit early, I guarantee that they are not going to be ranked high, so Rivals and Scout have pretty much insured that they get responses from all relevant recruits. Pretty soon they will have a group that offers “advice” to recruits. Translation = Lobbyist. You think there will be any chance of improprieties in THAT scenario?

Having said all of the above, I will pay attention to who UGA signs tomorrow. Because in the end, if they sign, they have committed to the Bulldogs and NOW I will begin cheering them on.

Then, for most of us, we hold our collective breath, hoping that we can keep the number of off season arrests to under ten…………….

Latest News & I Don’t Make Predictions Week 9

Uh, not much happened this past week.

DAWGS RULE AND GATORS DROOL!!!!!!

I could go on and on and on about Georgia’s win over Florida, but it’s been done to death. As it should be. Some quick points:
**If you’re one of those whining about all of Georgia’s players rushing the field after our first TD, I will refer you to the Dave Chapelle (via Rick James) quote – “It’s a CELEBRATION, bitches!!”
**I’ve never seen someone who looked as unhappy as Florida coach Urban Meyer did. I was pretty sure he was going to cry in the third quarter. And they should award him some stats since he was parked halfway out to the hash mark for a better part of the game.
**Why can only the Gators do the chomp? You’re telling me that if Erik scored a TD and he woof woof woofed the crowd that he would get a flag thrown? I don’t think so.
**I usually don’t buy into the hype that’s given to players, but…….Knowshon Moreno. WOW!
**Also, since we won, I can legally say that was some of the worst officiating I’ve ever seen. They missed a call or two against us as well.

A few weeks ago, everyone was writing the Dawgs obituary. Now, we could win out (and hope for a UT loss) and make it back to Atlanta for the SEC Championship game. But alas, we must focus on Troy this weekend.

Other games (that no one cares about):
LSU @ Alabama – The Saban Bowl. See Nick coach the Cajuns. See Nick leave for the NFL millions while Les Miles coaches the Saban leftovers. See Nick fall on his ass in Miami. See Alabama sell their soul to the devil to get Saban back. See Nick tell recruits that LSU’s success is all on him. See an all out BRAWL this Saturday.
Vandy at Florida – Oh, you really WANT Vanderbilt to win but they just won’t. The Gators are still mad about our CELEBRATION, BITCHES!!!
South Carolina @ Arkansas – The Ole Ball Coach has perfected the art of being a tool. I mean, he gives preacher’s kids a bad name. I should have a better reason to pull for Arkansas than “I hate Steve Spurrier”. I’d like to see Darren McFadden do well, how ‘bout that?

I Don’t Make Predictions Week 7

Everybody spent all week arguing as to whether or not South Florida was worthy of being #2 in the BCS. It’s all wasted words. These things work themselves out – they always do.
Let’s move on to the games of note:
(I should point out that Georgia is off this week, so I will spend Saturday actually doing something constructive – painting shudders and looking for a pin-hole leak in a swimming pool liner. I know – you wish you were me.)
Under the ‘games that could get ugly’:
#23 Cinciannati @ Pittsburgh – Pittsburgh has been beaten up pretty well this season, and that includes their coach.
Northern Illinois @ Wisconsin – the Badgers have lost two in a row after starting out the year 5-0. How mad are they? Tune in and see.
#4 Oklahoma @ Iowa State – Let’s see, how can we will our way back into the BCS title game (since South Florida lost)? Bitch slap an inferior opponent and show the world how COOL we really are!!
#13 USC @ Notre Dame – Remember the good ole days (2 years ago) when this game meant something? The Trojans lost style points for barely beating 2-5 Arizona, plus the same media who built them up the entire offseason has now abandoned them. I would be surprised if USC didn’t score 80 points and punch Charlie Weiss in the stomach before they left South Bend.
#10 California @ UCLA – All Cal had to do was beat mediocre Oregon State, and the number one spot would be theirs. I expect them to unleash the fury on the Bruins not seen in Southern California since OJ Simpson.

Half interesting:
Texas A&M @ Nebraska – Two coaches (Franchione and Callahan) with absolutely nothing to lose. These guys are just out here to beef up the resume.
#15 Kansas @ Colorado – This game will finally resemble a DIVISION ONE FOOTBALL GAME, BROTHER!!! (sorry, I’ll be using that one for a while)

SEC games:
#20 Tennessee @ Alabama – The only thing that keeps this game from turning into a riot every year (especially since Phil ratted out the Tide) is that most fans here are too drunk to fight. But this year, the game starts at 12:30. I can see the bottles flying now….
Vandy @ #6 South Carolina – Go ahead and try to convince yourself that this game could be close, but Spurrier hasn’t been able to run up a score since he’s been back in the SEC. This could be his chance.
Arkansas @ Ole Miss – Two crazy-ass coaches. Wasted talent on the field. The post game presser may actually be more interesting than this game.
#14 Florida @ #8 Kentucky – As a Georgia fan, you can only hope this game goes into about 6 or 7 overtimes and everyone is physically, emotionally and spiritually drained at the end.
#18 Auburn @ #5 LSU – Uh oh. The Auburn team everyone forgot about at the beginning of the year is BAAA-AAAACK. Remember when no one thought they could beat Florida? And remember how physical last year’s game was between these two teams? I was sore from just watching it.

I Didn’t Make Predictions Week 5, And I Won’t for Week 6.

If I were a gambling man, I’d be broke. But I bet a lot of people lost money, seeing that 6 of the top 13 teams lost. Watching college football – good. Gambling on college football – bad. You already know who won and lost. I would consider it one of the best weekends ever. Florida, Oklahoma, Texas –all losers. But the celebrating and gloating is over.

Let’s look at what’s happening this weekend:

Florida @ LSU – Does anyone really think this game has lost its luster just because of Florida’s loss to Auburn? No, I didn’t think so. Sure Tim Tebow may have had to return his cape, but don’t think he’s not going to try to get it back.

Kentucky @ South Carolina – Is South Carolina for real? Is Kentucky for real? I know a lot of Gamecock fans who aren’t taking this game seriously. Big mistake. Big one.

Wisconsin @ Illinois – Two more teams trying to prove they are for real. In case you haven’t been paying attention, Ron Zook’s team is 4-1, with a win over Penn State. Wisconsin is also trying to play the “no one respects us” card.

Oklahoma @ Texas – This game HAS lost some luster. The Sooner lost to a Colorado team they had no business being close to, and the Longhorns loss was coming sooner or later. Still, it’s a grudge match and those are fun to watch…..sometimes.

West Virginia @ Syracuse – West Virginia’s motto, “Hey we’re still good without Pat White”. Syracuse’s motto, “We beat Louisville”. Boooooo-ring.

Virginia Tech @ Clemson – VT just hasn’t been VT this year. Clemson has been Clemson, meaning they start off well and then tank. Is this the week they start tanking?

Ohio State @ Perdue – Big Ten football. Yawn.

Georgia @ Tennessee – I could go on all day about this one. About how UT is desperate to prove they won’t repeat 2005. About how Georgia hasn’t lost in Neyland Stadium since 1999. About how UT laid 51 points on Georgia last year in Athens. About how Mark Richt resembles Bugs Bunny and Phil Fulmer resembles the Angry Bull. The Vols are 2.5 favorites, but for the life of me I can’t figure out why.

Other thoughts:

Does anyone think it’s funny that Florida safety and team captain Tony Joiner (last seen kissing Tim Tebow on the sidelines) was arrested for taking his girlfriend’s car from an impound at 4am? Is it even funnier that the owner of the impound, an admitted Gator fan, now says that the whole thing was a misunderstanding?

Former Colorado back up punter Mitch Cozad was sentenced to seven years for stabbing the starting punter. Didn’t Harding/Kerrigan/Gillooly teach us ANYTHING?

Nick Saban’s backhanded slam on South Florida’s academics is like Lou Holtz telling Rece Davis “I can’t understhtand you, you need to sthpeak more clearly”.

I Don’t Make Predictions Week 4 – With Updated Comments

(Note: I forgot to post this on Friday. So I’m posting it today and adding in some comments to prod myself)

Onto to this week’s games. Randomly selected, of course:

North Carolina @#23 USF – Are you like me? Do you get UCF and USF confused? Well, you shouldn’t anymore. USF is now ranked and a Big East PLAYA. UCF is coached by former Nerd Georgia Tech coach George O’Leary. He probably lies and says that he coaches USF.

South Florida is building something down there. They replace Louisville as a Big East powerhouse.

#20 Texas A&M @ Miami – I’m interested to see if Miami can fully recover from the beatdown they took from Oklahoma. Not that A&M is a similar measuring stick. But even if it’s easy to hate the “U”, it’s hard not to pull for Randy Shannon and what he’s trying to do.

Miami took it to A&M. That game was never in question

East Carolina @ #4 West Virginia – As if it wasn’t enough fun watching White/ Slaton run roughshod over people, now throw in Noel Devine. That dude is just a blur. I’ve seen cheetahs that aren’t that fast. I’m glad he finally found a home at such a fine educational establishment.

Ho hum. Mountaineers win again. On deck: South Florida

#3 Florida @ Ole Miss – You can bet that since Tim Tebow is now being mentioned in the Heisman race that he will be in the game until the fourth quarter, running up the stats. Then he’ll retire to the sidelines to suck face with his teammates. I think Ed Orgeron’s head may actually explode (admit it – you’d like to see that).

This game was seriously close. Give Orgeron this – he found a way to slow down the machine.

#10 Penn State @ Michigan – If you hate Michigan (and let’s face it, these are good times), you can begin watching again. Although, sometimes these seemingly lop-sided games actually produce watchable TV.

As this one did. Michigan’s win puts them back in the Big Ten hunt. Dammit.

#12 South Carolina @ #2 LSU – Remember the days when Steve Spurrier was a Florida and he used to beat opponents mercilessly? What goes around comes around. However, Spurrier won’t throw his visor because an LSU defender would probably eat it.

I gotta hand it to the Gamecocks, they did better than I thought. Most people say the score is not indicative of the game because of the rain, but it’s still closer than most people would have thought. It was nice to see Spurrier get a dose of trickery

#21 Kentucky @ Arkansas – Ah, the resurgence of Kentucky. Thanks for beating Louisville, now welcome back to your SEC slate. Your first mission, should you choose to accept it – stop Darren McFadden. And do it with that crappy defense.

This is the last stop for the Kentucky bandwagon. Better get on now.

#22 Georgia @ #16 Alabama – Aside from all the secrecy and mistrust going on, this should really be a good game. Bama doesn’t think that the Dawgs have played anyone yet, and the Dawgs aren’t ready to give up. One common opponent says Georgia is tougher. One Bama player has the hots for Matt Stafford. If Bama actually loses this game, I might feel sorry for Nick Saban. He’s the only one talking “one game at a time”. The rest of the Crimson Nation are assuming 8-0 when they play LSU. I smell UPSET!!!

And now I taste upset. Dawgs win 26-23 in OT. An OT that we handed to them. Hey a win is a win and Mark Richt is 23-3 in other school’s stadiums. Yeah, baby!

I Don’t Make Predictions, Week 3

Let’s just pick some games at random. Turns out, I have a few predictions after all.

*#4 West Virginia at Maryland- You will see highlights of Pat White and Steve Slaton NON STOP from Thursday night at 10pm until 7:59pm Friday evening. It's a new ESPN programming law.
*North Carolina will drub Virginia and we still won't know how good the Tarheels are. The Cavaliers are bad. Michigan bad.
*Georgia will not beat Western Carolina by more than 30 points because Richt never runs up the score, he only runs out the clock. Despite this, opposing fans will point to Alabama's 52-6 drubbing of the Catamounts as proof that the Dawgs suck.
*The Tennessee/Florida matchup will not go the way you think it will.
*Thousands of TV viewers will order whatever package has ESPNU on Saturday morning JUST to see if a football game breaks out in the Miami/FIU fight.
*The Notre Dame/ Michigan game will, despite being a total suckfest, harbor the most attention EVER for a matchup between 0-2 teams. The game will feature many injuries - broken nails, menstrual cramps, and pillow sheet burns. .
*New Hampshire is going to kill Marshall. Ok, ok, that was bad
*The Arkansas/Alabama matchup WILL go the way you think it will.
*The Louisville/Kentucky game will have the most offensive output (and least defensive resistance) EVER in a college football game by two teams. I see 1400 yards of offense total, easy.
*Bill Callahan will forget that he's in Nebraska and call USC the 'stupidest team on earth'.
*Florida State is traveling to Colorado for a DIVISION ONE FOOTBALL GAME, BROTHER! THIS AIN'T INTRA MURALS!!!

I Don’t Make Predictions

That's right, I don't make predictions.

I just laugh when other people’s predictions go wrong. The thing is, I really haven’t decided if I truly know enough about the games to predict what will happen. But then again, the “experts” don’t either.

#15 Nebraska @ Wake Forest – I only mention this game because my brother in law is going to the game. He’s been a Cornhusker his whole life – isn’t every kid who was born and raised in SW Virginia? For me, watching Wake Forest is like watching theater. I can’t sit through the whole thing. I’m curious to see just how good the reigning ACC champs are. And are the Cornhusker fans going to sit idly by while Coach Callahan has the gall to throw more than 4 passes per game?

Miami @ #5 Oklahoma – People forget that, pre-bowl season, Oklahoma was a botched call away from a perfect season. New Hurricane coach Randy Shannan has banned all his players from owning guns. You tell me who’s been focusing more on football lately?

Duke @ Virginia – You think Duke is bad? The Cavaliers did not score a touchdown last week against Wyoming. That’s right. They play football in Wyoming. And they do it better than soon-to-be fired Coach Al Groh can teach them to do it in the Old Dominion. Tivo this game and skip through it to watch the commercials.

Alabama @ Vanderbilt – If you didn’t hate Bama before Coach Nick Satan, er, Saban got there, you sure do now. Forty nine states will be rooting for the school that keeps the SEC’s GPA’s up.

Oregon @ Michigan – remember Forest Whitakker’s character in “Fast Times At Ridgemont High”? Sean Penn’s character, Spicoli, wrecked Whittaker’s car and blamed it on the rival high school. Whitakker sent most that team out on a stretcher. I just wouldn’t want to be playing Michigan this week after last week’s embarrassment.

West Virginia Tech @ Western Kentucky – West. Virginia. Tech. Try saying it without laughing. Then change the channel.

Notre Dame @ Penn State – This time last year we called Charlie Weiss a ‘genius’. This year, he may just be called Joe Paterno’s bitch.

North Carolina @ East Carolina – If ECU wins, they take statehood from UNC.

#20 Hawaii @ Louisiana Tech – I’m sensing a trend. What’s next? A technical school in Georgia? Warrior QB and Heisman darkhorse Colt Brennan will throw for 800 yards and STILL no one in the continental US will care.

South Florida @ #17Auburn – Many pick an upset in cowtown. Truth is, it should be a really good game. As long as they don’t keep putting the camera on Auburn OC Al Borges (right). Only Dick Cheney frightens people more.

#9 Virginia Tech @ #2 LSU – The marquee matchup of the weekend. Two top defenses. Two speedy teams. And two of the most redneck fan bases outside of Florida. Ok, ok, I don’t really mean that. But seriously, Baton Rouge on a Saturday night? If nothing else, the blood alcohol content of Louisiana will go up by a tenth of a percent.

Finally,

South Carolina @ #12 Georgia – Even though Steve Spurrier is not “Steve Spurrier” anymore, he’s still a good coach. And the Gamecocks always bring an "A" game to this fight. Lotta smack talking leading up to this showdown.

Mecka-lecka-hi-mecka-hiney-ho

Post Football Blues

Post Football Blues:

For those of you who are going through sports withdrawal because:

1. You’re not even sure what channels show hockey games. Plus you can’t watch it without wanting to beat somebody’s ass.
2. You haven’t watched an NBA game since Pete Maravich stopped playing. You watched this year’s Allstar game until you saw Eva Longoria, then turned the channel.
3. You LOVE playing golf. You HATE watching it.
4. You love college football, but have had your absolute fill of the undeniable travesty that recruiting has become. (Hint: have you cursed a 17-year old kid because he signed with Notre Dame or Florida? Then yeah, you’ve had your fill)
5. You got your wife a Valentine’s Day present because there was nothing else going on that would cause you to forget.
6. You called in a talk radio show because they were having a discussion on whether or not Tom Brady was a bad guy for fathering a child out of wedlock.

Then I’m here to help………..

Let me qualify first by saying I’m not a huge NFL fan. I get excited about college football. But I watch the Atlanta Falcons if they’re on, and I’ll watch the playoffs. So even after college football is over, I have some football to watch. But some thing just happened that should make us all excited – the NCAA’s reversal of the clock rules. Most people don’t realize how important this is. Did you not realize just how fast the season went? Were you like me, looking at your calendar on November 11^th saying, “Man, where did the TIME go?” (well, for Bulldog fans, we didn’t want the season to end because of the momentum. The Dawgs played like a high school JV team for most of October, but turned it around to end the season with three straight wins over Top 25 teams). Because they wanted to speed up the game, what the NCAA rules committee ended up doing was cutting the game and leaving the same amount of commercials. Don’t get me wrong. I love those ESPN Gameday commercials, just not at the expense of seeing field action. More football = a good thing. Do I understand that commercials are necessary to offset the cost of programming? Sure. But do I believe that anyone besides network officials were complaining about the games running too long? Huh-uh. If a network nimrod thinks that any of us actually watches a shortened version of news or “Everybody Loves Raymond” immediately after the SEC Game of the Week telecast, they need to do more research. We’re flipping the channel to Sportscenter to watch the VERY highlights of the game we just saw AND looking to see what teams above us got beat so we can jump up in the rankings. So, in essence, we’re just watching more football, wherever it may be. Try to end the telecast too soon and I’ll just flip over to TBS and watch PAC 10 football if I have to.

More football. It’s all about more football. Don’t forget it.